Are you pleased?

So everyone at work (well not everyone, but about 8 people) know about The Boy and ask for regular updates, I ended up telling the deputy head teacher cos, well I cant quite remember, but the first thing she asked me was ‘is it what you want?’ i explained that we decided we wanted to marry each other ourselves and that made her smile. She then asked when the wedding was, i told her the elders sort that out, she then said ‘you always make me laugh, its so funny, or not funny, but odd, how you are so independent, so strong willed yet when it comes to your family you are quite traditional.’ Hmmm

I then decided it was important to tell the head teacher as I dont like being talked about and they all know that I will be leaving in the near future, inshAllah. So I told her, she asked ‘Are you pleased?’ Now that made me think WhatTheFlips!

I wonder if they thought that it was an ‘arranged marriage’ cos im brown.


Perhaps I should have started with, I have a boyfriend and I am getting married to him.

He’s not my boyfriend. He’s The Boy who is going to be my husband, inshAllah soon!

Anyway. K and V kept giggling at me during well-being training, I wanted to tell them to jog on, but was compelled to blush instead. Yes, I know blush. URGH.

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But must not jinx mesel so CROSS EVERYTHING AND TOUCH WOOD!

First day back at school and I heard a lot of ‘you’ve lost weight’ Skinny me is smilings, fat me knows I need to lose more, no one wants to look at a fat bride, all the fake ‘you look lovely’ is not good enough for me.

Iv noticed how fat brides get called ‘cute’, ‘bonny’, ‘lovely’ but never beautiful even though they probably are a lot more beautiful than skinny brides, I know this, yet I want to be a skinny ‘bride’. I must be a skinny ‘bride’. Judge all youse want. I just want to be skinny. I need to lose 1 dress size and 2 stones. Hmmm. 600 calories a day should be fine plus 30 mins of exercise.

Now im not one to admit things like this cos I like to pretend I dont care or have ‘girl’ feelings, but I love it when he  ‘needs’ to talk to me. I dont have to beg for attention, but it comes at the cost of acting ‘aloof’ when iv not spoken to him for a few days. All this pretending not to care buisness is quite difficult. It’s not like I get to see him every day, week or month even, stupid smelly boy living so far away, but I suppose I can surivive without daily phone conversations. Iv also learnt not to get upset when he doesnt reply to my texts, now thats growth as i hate being ignored. Yay me. Again, dont jinx it! CROSS EVERYTHING!

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Thought 1

I might possibly be the only ‘bride’ who doesnt want to be a bride. I just want the marriage…is that too much to ask for. Apparently so.

I mean who really likes spending time, energy and money on listening to people rant about clothes, jewellery, make up, halls, flowers, dinner sets, stage designs, seat covers, desserts, cake flavours, the price of gold in eleventy billion different countries…wtf! It never ends.

I dont want this. 😦

BUT, my happiness and the dreams of Gretna Green are nowt and shouldnt even be thought of let alone heard or adhered to, especially when one has ‘family’


Lovely isnt it. The word family. Just lovely.

I spent years convincing mysel I would never want to be with a smelly boy, live with a smelly boy, be married to a smelly boy. Smelly boy arrives and all I want is to be with him. Goodness knows why, he is smelly and very silly and sometimes downright hideous but, yes but…I loves him. Yeh. I said it, well I typed it and I can delete it if I really wanted to, but we have the but again. I dont want to delete it.

So yeh, back to this stupid wedding. Stupid engagment first. I keep getting asked what im wearing and its quite tiring having to reply ‘I don’t know, my future in laws have chosen and bought the outfit.’ I have control over the shoes and only real people worth breathing air know that shoes are more important than clothes. Yes they are. Repeat x eleventy billion and its smiles all round.

I need to decide on when to preen myself for ‘stupid engagement’ Can’t get nails done until the day as the day before will be spent cleaning dad’s house. Goodness knows what state the silverwear is in. UFF.  I guess I should make some calls. Yay. :/

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